9 dpo and Trying to Remain Calm

Yesterday I was exhausted and slept for about two hours in the afternoon. I know it was most likely just because I hadn't had a full night's sleep the night before, due to my obsession with reading the Hunger Games and our annoying house guests. However, I kept hoping it was something more.

Today, I feel tired again, despite a full night's sleep, and a bit dizzy. I hope I am not getting sick. I am sure it must be too early for preggo symptoms, though of course I can hope.

I'm trying to relax and not get my hopes up too much, but that mean old Hope is back with a vengeance. This is an unmedicated, first post-surgery cycle, and I'm hoping my endometriosis-free ovaries are happy enough to bring me good news at the end of this week.

9 dpo and trying, trying to remain calm (but also wondering how soon I can test).

This has been one of the longest 2WWs yet.

Natural Cycle #1

On Friday, day 16 of my cycle, I got a positive ovulation signal (after a false alarm on Wednesday, day 14). Right on schedule, on Sunday, day 18 of my cycle, my temperature rose. So I ovulated on day 17, not too bad. That's a dramatic improvement from my last cycle, before the endometriosis surgery, when I did not ovulate until somewhere between day 20 and day 24.

So now, on 2dpo, I wait for another ~12 days to see if I'll get my period or not. I am very curious to see how long my luteal phase is, and praying for it to be sufficient.

We will see. I'll try not to think about it too much, in the meantime.

Nervous and crampy

Today is 10 dpo. I called in sick today because I needed a mental health day.

On Sunday, 7 dpo, I had a tiny bit of red discharge- more like red stringy lines- after peeing. But we'd made love that morning, and that has happened to me occasionally even when on birth control. So I wasn't too worried.

Nothing happened Monday, 8 dpo. But yesterday, Tuesday, my temperature fell (just a tiny bit- from 98.7 to 98.5) and I had the red lines and some brown discharge late in the afternoon. Since it was 9 dpo, I got my hopes up, thinking maybe it was implantation spotting. The spotting only happened once and I was rushing so I didn't get to really check it out.

Then today, 10 dpo, my temp fell a tiny bit again, to 98.4. Still well above the 98.0 cover line, but two days of slight dips, and the spotting on day 9. I was totally sad this morning and couldn't take going into work.

However, am feeling a bit better now. Had a good breakfast, am sitting in my bathrobe in the sun on my comfy couch, and found this to give me a little bit of hope: http://www.wikihealth.com/Signs_of_implantation

Apparently a dip is very normal, as is spotting. Before this, I have never spotted before day 11 (on a medicated cycle), and yesterday was only day 9. So I think I can allow some very cautious hope to come back. Please, please, please, let this be the cycle. I want this so bad. I can't wait for the next few days to pass.

Temp up, whew!

Feeling much better today. My temp spiked up to a normal level. I'm still pretty sure that Monday was dpo 1, and today is day 3, because Monday was over the cover line, and I did have that positive ovulation test on Friday night. Also, online sources and the TCOYF book both say that a slow rise can be perfectly normal. The women in the RESOLVE support group last night also said they've had slow rises and it's fine, especially on a new medication. So, I think I can relax about it. I'll still keep temping, since this is my first Femara cycle, but I am not too worried anymore. I won't bother to go in for a progesterone test.

As mentioned above, I attended my very first RESOLVE support group meeting last night. It was in Raleigh and there were about 6 other women and 3 husbands. Some of them were in their late 30s, some were closer to my age. Most have been through or are trying IVF, one person hasn't done anything at all (she has two adopted sons) , one woman is where I am with only meds so far, and one woman was newly pregnant from her third IVF try.

I found it very sad that all these nice woman can't have children and this is what they all want. I could see every single one of them being a wonderful mom, and it just broke my heart to hear their stories. I guess I still have this hope that Femara will work for me and that I won't be in their place, paying tens of thousands for IVF and injecting all those drugs. But I did learn a lot about the process, was reassured that I can switch clinics if I want IVF (it's cheaper at NCCRM than at my clinic), and of course the thing about my slow-rise temps.

It's depressing to acknowledge that I really do have a medical disease- infertility- but I still feel myself setting apart from most of these women. I won't need IVF. Femara is gonna work.... right? Right? Right?

Cycle 4: 1 DPO

Finally my temperature rose this morning. In previous months I have ovulated on days 22, 18, and 15, so I expected something before day 15. However, because nothing ever works like it should with me when it comes to fertility, I did not ovulate till day 16 this month. Whatever. Today it was nice and high. That was a huge relief because I was down, really down and depressed, yesterday, and this has cheered me up today. Also, it's Friday and I am going out for Vietnamese food for lunch with a co-worker :)

I am increasingly thinking of switching clinics, but I'm still not sure. I just feel like my doctor doesn't particularly care about my outcomes and therefore isn't invested in trying the best methods or getting the right data to help us make decisions. For instance, I have not EVER, not one single month, seen a good follicle right before ovulation. So this month she said not to even bother coming for monitoring. I feel like I have to research all the protocol myself, like end-of-cycle monitoring and so forth. And many sources say that staying on Clomid after month 4, or even month 3, isn't necessarily worth it. Yet I'm staying on it for 5 months.

I think it's because I'm under 35 so she feels there is no rush. However, I do feel a sense of urgency, especially as we approach the 1 year mark of trying this January. I guess that is still 2 months away... but still, it's really really hard. I want a baby, I want my life to move forward, I want to know the ending to this (part of) the story. I want a baby. Two babies would even be fine! As every single one of my high school and college friends posts new baby announcements on Facebook, it's getting harder and harder as the months go by for me.

Well, all I can do now is try to relax and get through the next 13 or so days. I am due to either get my period- or hopefully miss it- on Thanksgiving Day. Here's hoping, praying, and wishing for some positive news this time.