Down

I'm feeling really down tonight. I'm doubting I will get pregnant ever, or at least not for a very long time and with lots of intervention. Today is three months after my 31st birthday and we've been trying to conceive for almost 9 months. It sucks that I started trying when I was 30 1/2 and the absolute earliest I could be having a child is when I'm just about 32. And maybe not for a year or more after that, even.

Yet, meanwhile, my husband's sister managed to get pregnant "without even trying" and very likely on the first month she "didn't try" when she was 38. THIRTY-EIGHT. And two of her FORTY year old friends also have newborns. And me? Nothing. All because of my stupid, unresponsive ovaries.

And now, if I can't get pregnant this month, and my cyst is still there, what then? I go off Clomid and have another 45+ day cycle, and THEN MAYBE start Clomid again so wait another 18 days till I ovulate?? So we're talking another 65+ days till I even have a shot at conceiving??

This just feels all so... never-ending. Never, ever ending. I am so sick of months coming and going when I thought I'd be preparing to expect a baby. No one ever warned me it might be this hard.