Not Willing to Let Go

I always thought I'd know when to quit. Logically, it makes sense to stop the hamster wheel, get off this train, whatever. I had two lackluster cycles and we're out about $10K already on treatment and medications. It's drained us emotionally, physically has been tough, and has affected me at work. B is entering a really stressful next two years as he starts business school. We're worried about money all the time due to his tuition. It probably makes sense to take our limited funds and spend them on a sure bet, adoption, rather than continue on a very unsure bet, more IVF.

Yet.

I cannot force myself to feel that I am done with IVF. I only had two tries, and I have never felt good about my clinic's care. I also feel that if I gave my left ovary some more time, perhaps it would play ball, as the doctor says.

I see that it's about $10K for two tries at NCCRM. They have better outcomes than my clinic. I always wished I'd started there instead.

I know that I was feeling okay about adoption, but I'm not really. I'm just not.

I think that I should meet with Dr. F one last time (appointment is scheduled for next Friday) and also have a consult at NCCRM. Bring my records and ask them what they would do differently. What my chances are like, with two more tries. Ask them if I were their daughter or if they were me, would they keep fighting this seemingly uphill battle, or would they put their funds towards adoption instead.

I should call NCCRM. I should just do it. I know B is not in favor of this, but he is not totally opposed either. And perhaps I could use my own savings a bit. I know it's supposed to be there for an emergency, but this seems like one.

Or should I just let.... go?

Torture. Plain and simple. Torture.