Pregnancy has many things in common with infertility. One of the biggest is waiting. I am 19 weeks today, and my big anatomy scan ultrasound is one week from yesterday.
In general, my anxiety is much better. It's been three weeks since a midwife appointment, and six weeks since we last had an ultrasound. It's easy for me to forget that I am pregnant, since my first trimester exhaustion and mild nausea have been gone for so long and my spotting tapered off about week 14 (thank goodness!). I am still not showing (well, I look a bit chunky but who doesn't nowadays?). No one can tell except me and my husband- well, okay, my stepmom pointed out my, uh, increased breast size, but that's not really something I hope people at work are noticing! I have maternity clothes but I just don't need them. I wear my regular clothes, though I do need the belly band thing every day.
I have no real reasons to worry, but I create them. I spend a lot of time thinking I am not gaining enough weight. It was really disappointing to me last night when a neighbor told me my belly looked smaller. Also I was asked if I was in the right class at prenatal yoga two weeks ago. And women weeks behind me are popping out more than me. It's a little discouraging. I am on the small side, but by no means a shrimp. I am 5'4'' and my pre-pregnancy weight was around 130. Pretty average sized. I have gained only about 6 or 7 pounds, which seems a little on the low side, but maybe I will catch up. My donor is more petite, so I'm not expecting a huge baby, but come on! It's hard to feel pregnant when I look the same.
So, I worry about my weight, and I've had some pretty bad headaches lately, which isn't helping me to feel like eating. But I did something daring yesterday: I did a 40 minute home workout tape for pregnant ladies! I really haven't exercised except for yoga, and it felt amazingly good to squat and stretch and kick. Before the transfer in June, I used to go to the gym about three days a week: boot camp, body pump, and Zumba were all my ways to relieve stress and feel good. I used to go for hikes in the woods behind my house too, but lately I've been sick, and now it's been raining for a week straight, so that's been off the table too. But the workout video felt good! I am going to try to do it again soon.
My husband is also getting increasingly persistent in asking when we can put something public on Facebook. I know he is excited to be a dad, and it's cute, and he's a bit older than me so most of his friends already have kids and he wants to share his happy news with them. But this is something I spend a lot of time thinking about. While I was happy for friends always, pregnancy announcements and photos hurt me so much when I would stumble upon them on Facebook. If he wants to do this, I'd like to find some way to acknowledge it's not easy for everyone, and was a long road to success. As a message to those who are still on that hard path, and a reminder to the oblivious masses that procreation is not a guarantee. But I also don't want to be a TMI person on Facebook, as I am friends with plenty of work colleagues, relatives, even friends of my dad's. So I don't know. Has anyone seen particularly sensitive yet short postings on Facebook that touched them the right way?
Maybe something very short - such as "we're excited to be expecting and looking forward to meeting a new addition in 6 months," or something to that affect. Your husband could be the one to share on facebook, and his friends are more likely to be male and less likely to be emotionally affected by announcements. (I may be being gender discriminatory here.)
ReplyDeleteIn terms of your moderate weight gain-- it's a good sign as long as your getting enough nutrition. Some people don't really pop until they are 7 months along. I saw a very fit pregnant friend yesterday who just looked chunky.
Too many people are borderline gestational diabetic, which mainlines sugar to the baby and grows the baby way too big.
Wow, almost to that anatomy scan! Amazing how time flies. I can totally have sympathy for your concerns that you don't look so pregnant... I had a friend who, when she finally made it to the other side, was so disappointed to not have a big popped out belly until pretty close to the end. Plus she had placenta previa where it was up front, and so she couldn't feel as much kicking (which was both disappointing and at times terrifying). She felt robbed of the pregnancy she should have had after such a long time to get there. I get it! I really want a big old out front belly when I make it over there, and I am terrified of just looking a bit more chubby than I already am. It will come, but I totally get your disappointment. It seems like after all this, we should totally deserve a typical and noticeable pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteAs far as announcements go, that's a toughie. I don't know how open you are about how long you were trying (nevermind the method by which you have achieved pregnancy), but I always enjoy a good "After a long time waiting, we are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our miracle in (month)." Or simple is good too-- "We are so fortunate to announce that we are expecting our baby in (month)!" Even when people who haven't had a long arduous journey add in how fortunate they are it makes me feel better. Honestly, it's what works for you and your husband, too--I know couples that waited until 7 months to post it on Facebook, and other couples that left people guessing when pictures came up where the wife was pretty noticeably pregnant. Everybody does it differently. Just please please don't ever (and I know you wouldn't) do what one cousin of mine is currently doing and SURVEYING FACEBOOK in order to name her FOURTH baby. Ugh, now THAT is in bad taste! A simple, joyful announcement is not. Congrats on being at this point--I am so happy for you!
Jess, I am sure it's painful for you to read that I was preparing for the anatomy scan already, when our cycles were so closely aligned back in June. If you ever feel like it's too much, feel free to not read my blog. Hopefully it gives you hope, but sometimes I quit reading others' success stories when I was feeling really down after endless failed cycles. Anyway, I am sure you will do what is best for you. Thanks for your support and I am crossing my fingers for you all the time.
DeleteThe thing about your cousin is one of the reasons I think people quit Facebook. Ugh! How yucky. Sorry you have to deal with that!
congrats on 20 weeks and your anatomy scan! I have been following your blog. I have had 2 failed ivfs and 3 miscarriages so we have now started the process for donor egg. Your journey has given me inspiration! I'm so happy for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I had many failed cycles and heartbreaks, including 3 IVFs that did not work, and only regret that I had not gone to donor egg sooner. But we're ready when we are ready. I wish you much luck!
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