Birthday

Today is my 32nd birthday. So far it's okay: massage, my favorite Vietnamese sandwich for lunch (Banh Mi), now home relaxing from the heat and packing for my DC trip tomorrow, and dinner out at one of my favorite restaurants tonight (Persian vegetarian food). I can even have a glass of wine with dinner, since I don't start the Lupron till next Tuesday evening.

I was worried about this birthday, since in my mind I always thought I'd have a baby by 32 years old. A reasonable thought, considering we started trying to conceive when I was only 30 1/2. It's been 18 long, slow months. And still no baby. But I'm starting Lupron on Tuesday, June 26th, and I go in for baseline the following Monday, July 2nd. I start stims on Saturday, July 7th, if everything is okay at baseline.

I am terrified everything will not be okay at baseline. Last time, in March, I got to baseline, and then they found the cyst, and then I had to stop IVF and have surgery instead. It was then that I was diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis, which had consumed my left ovary and twisted my anatomy. It's been 3 months since that surgery, and I am praying that the endo has not come back and I can start the stims and all will go according to plan. I pray that my first round of IVF is successful.

Anyway, my laundry is done so I should go put it away and pack for my trip tomorrow. This weekend I go to DC, and next weekend is Boston, so hopefully I will stay busy enough that these worries won't occupy my mind so much. Worrying is paying a debt in advance that may never come true, as B says, but it's still hard not to do it.