Hydo Sono Hell

Today was the dreaded hydro sonogram (water sono or 3-D sono, it seems to have several names). I had been assured by a few people that it wasn't too bad, and not nearly as bad as the HSG. Well, that's great for them, but for me it was not fun. Not at all. I was so nervous. Too nervous. My cervix cramped up and he had to try a couple of times to get the catheter in, and it kept cramping. I was sweating and thought I would either throw up or pass out. I wouldn't say the cramping was as bad as the HSG, but for me, it was close. Dr. M seemed to think I was a wimp. He said I have to relax for transfer, and that's very important. I felt bad because I've had three transfers (including mock) and never felt anything. Why was this so much worse? Same catheter, right? I'm confused and feel crampy still. Was it all psychological, because I was nervous? I feel like I did something wrong by being so nervous.

Also disappointing: their computers were down. So he couldn't give me any test results from last Friday. Or talk about the plan. All I know is that I have to finish this cycle (another 30 or so days, if it's like last time) and then do 2 or 3 weeks of birth control, then I can start. That puts me at starting stimming in mid to late January, which is fine. But I was hoping we could have sat down and talked about it, and dosages, etc. But no. He just said to call Mia, the IVF coordinator, in a few days. Um I think I will call tomorrow. I'm sure their computers will be up by then. They have to call me later anyway, to get the co-pay since the system was down.

So, bad morning, cried a bunch on the way home, still a tad bit crampy but it's fading. I had B drop me at home and I'm going to read and maybe nap later. Tonight is the support group and I have to talk about guidelines. What a crappy day. Life feels really unfair right about now, and really overwhelming.