Letter I Won't Send

Last night I had yet another meltdown. Of course there is never one reason, but an email from Brian's mom really set me off. It's not her fault, but she sent this cheesy email saying that she and John are going to do this thing at Thanksgiving where they take 5 pieces of corn and talk about what they are grateful for. I'm not mad at Judy at all, but it made me write this, which OF COURSE I will not send:

Hi (MIL's name),

Right now is a really hard time in my life. I know Brian probably doesn't talk about it, but I'm really upset over my fertility issues. We're coming up on a year of trying for a baby and we just have no guarantees of anything. I guess it's hard to be grateful for things right now. I know I have many other things to be grateful for, but it's hard to see through the fog of my own health issues and my own feelings of helplessness right now. Some of it is the hormones that I am taking that are causing my sadness, and some of it is just the situation.

I am seeing a new doctor the week after Thanksgiving and we're going to talk about next steps.

I am looking forward to seeing family and friends at Thanksgiving and I hope this will take my mind off my own troubles. You are right that it's important to be grateful too, it's just really hard for me right now.

I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving too. Looking forward to seeing everyone at New Year's in Chicago.

Love,

(me).

In other news, I have really sore breasts. I know this could be PMS, but I usually don't get this. So of course I am hoping it's something more... but I'm not going to take any pregnancy tests or do anything like that until I am at least on the day of my period. Only a few more days :)