Lows

I feel terrible. For two days now I have been very depressed. I hate my doctor, I hate all the new babies everyone is having (a new one pops up every few days on Facebook), I'm annoyed at Brian for not being more miserable with me, and I hate the unfairness of life. I hate everything. I hate my coworkers. I hate my job. I hate my furniture. I just stare into space and feel terrible. All my life now is waiting, waiting, waiting. And it never amounts to anything.

I am ditching my doctor and trying Dr. F, the chair of the department and an older doctor. I am seeing him in 2 1/2 weeks. Not so bad.

I want to talk about IVF. Unless there is a compelling reason to do injectables, I want to do IVF in January. I'm ready for this period of my life to be over. And I never want to go through this again. I think I will stop at one kid (if I ever have one). I hate what this is doing to me.

I'm at 6 dpo but I do not have my hopes up the way I did with the other three cycles. I would love to be surprised, but I know in my heart that I'm not going to get pregnant on Clomid.