Sudden Change of Events

I am not doing IVF anymore.

On Tuesday morning, which was yesterday, I went in for an ultrasound, hoping to start stimming that night. Unfortunately, the cyst that has been there for awhile was still there, and has actually grown since it was measured in December or January. I knew things weren't good when they went to speak to the doctor.

My IVF cycle was cancelled and I was told that I would need a laparoscopy to see what the cyst is made of. I am scheduled for a laparoscopic left ovarian cystectomy tomorrow morning, to remove the cyst and possibly but hopefully not my ovary. I am no longer taking Lupron. I don't know how many months till I can start IVF again. I will be under sedation tomorrow for 1-2 hours, and in the recovery room for 1- 1/2 hours. The doctor told me that I may miss 2-4 weeks of work. For, I'm planning on missing the next 7 days and I'll see how I feel after that.

I'm scared and nervous about tomorrow, but I will get through it. This is my immediate concern, getting through this.

Afterwards, I am very worried about my mental state. This is a major setback, at least two months, and I think I might be very depressed. No Xmas baby for me. No anything baby for me, at least not for another year. Life can be so, so unfair. My friends who started trying after me have babies of several months already, and all I have is 15 months of frustration, thousands of dollars spent, no baby, and a scary surgery tomorrow. And $2000 of IVF meds that I am not allowed to use yet. It is all so amazingly depressing. I have been crying non-stop and that was when I was doing IVF. Now, I suppose I am just kind of numb. I don't know what happens or what I do when that numbness wears off. I am scared.