Saturday, August 17, 2013

Scared

Please, after all I have been through, do not let this be the end.

This afternoon I began spotting. I went to pee, and there were long streaks of bright red blood on the toilet paper. Bright, fresh blood. I almost passed out.

I have had a full or cramping feeling, maybe some twinges, all day.

No more bright blood, but residual spotting continues.

I stopped the progesterone and estrogen on Wednesday. My husband and I did make love this morning. I feel bad, but in general our sex life has really been on hold since the transfer. In nine long weeks, I think we have been together... Maybe three times? And now, I regret agreeing to it this morning.

Tonight, in tears, I called my midwife and she was very reassuring, she said spotting, especially after intercourse, is very common, and is seen in up to 25% of women. She said that due to the lack of heavy bleeding and severe cramping, I am most likely fine.

Today I realized again how precious this pregnancy is, and how terrified I am that things have been going too well. I am so scared.

UPDATE (Sunday morning):
The cramps seem to be gone, and no new spotting. I am still scared, but not as bad. I have a 9 am appointment with one of the midwives tomorrow, thank goodness. This is my second time spotting like this, perhaps it is something that I just need to accept. I don't know.

2 comments:

  1. Thinking of you! That is so scary, but (hopefully this is reassuring) so many women spot and full on bleed during pregnancy with beautiful babies at the end of everything. I knew a woman who bled bright red blood through her ENTIRE FIRST TRIMESTER. That seems so unfair given the stress and duress to get to this point, but it doesn't have to mean something terrible. I hope the appointment tomorrow brings you peace. Another thing that several of my IVF'er friends have experienced is subchorionic hematoma, and I think you said you had a bit of a bruise in your uterus--maybe it's just that resolving itself. Sending lots of positive energy your way, and peace to make it until 9 am (or more likely 9:15 given how appointments go).

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  2. Yes, I want to just blame it on the sex or the uterus bruise (or the combo), but the cramping concerns me. However, it's gone today. I'm still taking it easy- no grocery shopping or weeding the garden, just sitting around and reading this fascinating book, Far From the Tree (http://www.amazon.com/Far-From-Tree-Children-Identity/dp/0743236718).

    Thank you for the reassurance.

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