Next Step: Donor Eggs

Today we met with my doctor for what I think of as the obligatory "WTF" appointment. I brought in a list of questions but did not get very far, as he immediately launched into his analysis of why this cycle sucked so bad, why the previous two sucked even more, and what he thinks we should try next. I have to say, even though I am so disappointed in the results, I was overall happy with this clinic, and really do respect and trust this particular doctor. He was clear and informative in his discussion with us today, and honest and sensitive in his manner.

This is what he said: he thinks it's an egg problem. I have impaired function due to my left ovary not working as a result of the endo and/or the endo surgery, and although my AMH is okay, I am a low responder to the drug stimulation. However, I was able to get five mature eggs. But the embryologist reported that of the five eggs, three were just bad. They "degenerated at injection." So, when they injected the sperm using ICSI, the eggs basically collapsed or died. Dr. M believes this is an egg quality problem. The other two that fertilized were okay, but stopped growing, which is why we only had four-cell embryos, so that wasn't good either. The quality of one was bad, and one was pretty good- but only four cell so not ideal.

To sum it up, my eggs are probably bad. We don't know why, but there is something wrong with their quality. He said we could try a 4th round of IVF- he has seen women get pregnant before. But he does not think I have very good chances, and knowing we are paying out of pocket, he did say that donor egg may be the better use of our money.

I agree. I don't have the financial or the emotional strength to go through another difficult cycle. Sadly, I am done with my own eggs. Donor egg it is.

But- this is where the appointment went downhill. This clinic has excellent success rates for donor egg- 68.4% in last year's SART numbers. This is amazing, compared to much lower numbers at most other clinics. BUT the bad news: there is a year and a half wait for a donor. Either this clinic attracts many couples because of it's great success rates, or it has such stringent requirements that it doesn't take too many donors, but either way, we are not waiting a year and a half. I began crying when he said that. I just couldn't help it. I felt... crushed. To go through one surgery, two painful x-rays, and three IVFs, all of which failed, and then to be told I need to wait another two years--- no. Cannot do it. I don't know that I would be sane and not checked into the loony bin if I had to wait that long, suspended in time, waiting for just a chance to become pregnant. Nope, not for us.

But when I got home things started to seem more possible. I called the big clinic in Maryland and they have plenty of donors available. Their success rate is not as good as my current clinic's, but it's not bad, at 50% success per donor egg cycle. No wait needed at all. They are very, very expensive, but we will do what it takes to reach success. They also have refund programs. Because of our not 100% confidence that B's sperm isn't totally the problem, I think we need to do a refund program. It doubles the price, but I just don't think I can handle the stress without a refund option. What if nothing fertilizes, or only a few? Then we'd be out another $15K? No.

We also have an appointment at CC, a local clinic that says they have available donors (and a good success rate of 57.1%), and they have a refund program. Perhaps they will have better prices since they are not next to a large, expensive city. Our appointment is not till the end of next week, so I won't have any more info till then. [UPDATE: CC no longer has a refund program so we are not considering them.]

Another option is to use a private egg donor agency, which is what someone in my support group did. But that gets very expensive. She also mentioned the agencies give you more info about the donors- but that is not a big concern for me. Agencies also allow future contact once the child is 18. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I don't feel strongly about it. I can't say how a child will feel, but if B's sperm is used and I carry the child, I would hope that a child would feel more connected than, say, traditional adoption. But, I don't know. This is a strange grey area and pretty new. I should think about these issues some more.

Anyway, this woman in my group said if she could do it over again, she would consider using frozen eggs: "If I was to start all over, I think I would go with RBA in Atlanta (Reproductive Biology Associates, I think.)  They are the ones who pioneered egg freezing.  So, their "in house" donor pool isn't the 2 women who volunteer to give their eggs while you are at the top of the waitlist but a huge bank of frozen eggs.  Their success rates are fantastic, they offer a guarantee program and they are supposed to be one of the cheapest options."   So this is something I would like to investigate as well.

So, we have some options. The big clinic in Maryland that has available donors and costs a lot and has decent but not great success rates. The local clinic here that has better success rates and I don't know much else about yet. Using a private agency or the frozen eggs from Atlanta.

Options, options. I am feeling exhausted by it all, but committed. After all we have been through, perhaps this is our answer.