I had a pretty good weekend. A nice date night with B on Friday night where we tried this amazing Singapore style restaurant that we now are wondering how we didn't know about for the past 7 years! As an appetizer we had lettuce wraps that were served DIY- they give you the large lettuce leaves and a filling of tofu and onions and mushrooms, all marinated and delicious, and you get to make the wraps yourself. It was fun and tasty. On Saturday I hung out with a friend all day- we went to the farmer's market, had a nice brunch in town, went used book shopping, etc. She is trying to get pregnant now and thinks she might already be. I have mixed feelings: of course I would be happy for her, but it's a little painful to watch someone at the beginning of their journey and remember how naiive I was, thinking of course it would be easy. I wish her none of our troubles.
On Sunday a friend came over and we did "fertility yoga." She used to teach it and I think she now trains instructors. In any case, I am not normally a big yoga fan, but it was so good to move my body for the first time in awhile. I've been abstaining from exercise for the past few weeks, to try to help with any possible implantation. But it was great to do some gentle yoga moves, with the sun pouring in and warming us both in my cheerful purple guest room (a.k.a. someday baby's room). Sunday night we had dinner with friends and none of them have kids.
So, I stayed pretty busy all weekend. I did not have time to laze around and feel sorry for myself very much. That is definitely a good thing.
As test date gets closer, I'm prepared for disappointment. I do not have my hopes up too high. Of course it would be the best thing ever if this could work, but I know the chances are not great.
However... we do have a plan B! Of course we will investigate adoption, but we are also starting to learn about embryo adoption. My main fears with adoption are: the birth mother's care of herself while pregnant (as we have heard many, if not almost all, birth mothers are using some amount of drugs or alcohol while pregnant), the massive financial cost (where on earth will we get the money needed?), and the intense process of applying, background checks, home studies (all sound so draining and we are already so weary from 3 IVFs). The lack of genetic connections with an adoptive child is not on my list of concerns. So that's why we are interested in embryo adoption. If we can have me carry the baby, we can control the environment since of course I will take good care of myself. We can avoid the financial toll since from what I read, it's not too much more than the cost of a frozen transfer (a couple of thousand versus $30K). And home studies and background checks are not always required. I do not feel bad morally if we do not adopt a child that has already been born. A long time ago, or in another country, there was/is a need. But now, with there being years-long waiting lists and more demand than need, it's not like it was.
We still have many, many questions. But it is nice to have another option on the table.
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