Monday, May 27, 2013

My body can't even do this right

Yes, I know that title is totally negative and whiny.

But that's how I feel. One interesting thing about having my blog go from totally secret to being found by at least one friend, shared with a couple of others, and read by other bloggers is that I sometimes feel pressured to write meaningful entries. I used to feel more comfortable just complaining, especially when I had nothing otherwise to say.

Today is one of those days: I have no news. I just feel like whining. This is why: I've completed the whole two weeks of Lupron, and I have not gotten my period. This new clinic made me uncomfortable when they told me to start the shots on day 21 of my cycle, when every other time I've done Lupron my other clinic has asked me to come in for progesterone tests to be sure I'd already ovulated. When I searched online, I found other women saying their clinics also require the blood test first. But, when I asked my nurse, she brushed it off and said just to tell her when I get my period.

Um. No period. Everything I found online, and my nurse, all say you should get it within 1-2 weeks of starting Lupron. It's been two weeks. Nothing. Because, duh, I didn't ovulate. So either I won't get my period till day 40 something (today is day 34) or... what if I don't get it all? Because if I didn't ovulate, I'm confused as to why or how my body would know to shed the uterine lining, and get a period.

My biggest, nagging fear is that this will screw everything up, and I'll have to start all over again. And I KNEW, I KNEW this protocol didn't sound right, but it's a new clinic and a new nurse, and I didn't push it. This clinic has high success rates, and they do this all the time, and I figure that many women have more than a 35 day cycle... right? Right? Did I do something wrong by not being more forceful (annoying) and demanding the blood test before I started the shots? Is everything screwed up now? Will this cycle be cancelled, or really delayed?

I am really feeling bad about this. It sucks that sometimes it feels that everyone else gets pregnant with little to no trouble, but if not, there is Clomid. Or IUI. Or IVF. Or hell, IVF three freaking times. Even amongst fertility challenged folks, most of my friends were successful with IVF #1. And here I am, having failed at everything, and now I can't even have a donor egg cycle go smoothly.

Sigh. Well, I emailed the nurse tonight, and I assume tomorrow morning I will hear a response. Maybe it will be fine. Cause you know, everything else has gone so swimmingly when it comes to my fertility.

(Told you this post would be all just complaining!)

2 comments:

  1. Sometimes, you just need to get it all off your chest. I have no problem with "whining!" I get how it feels to feel like your body can't do the simplest things right, so how can you have confidence that it will do these complicated things right? It's also so hard to trust the professionals when you have had so much disappointment and have put trust in things before with no luck. But, we have to do it and put our trust in these miracle workers and hope that they will do the best thing possible to get us pregnant. But, I am never shy about asking questions. And I HATE being brushed off. I have felt that way recently because while I haven't switched clinics I am with all new nurses, and I don't feel that they "get" me necessarily. That is so frustrating. So I speak up but feel like I'm perceived as a pain in the ass. Sorry, after everything I've been through, yup, I might be a pain in the ass. But I need to be, and maybe you do, too! I'm glad you eventually got the period. You didn't have to go on the Pill first? I never ovulate on my own (I think it's happened once in nearly 4 years of treatment) and so I would totally freak out if that was the expectation. I'm glad it came through, but sorry that you had the stress of waiting. Why is there so much waiting?!?

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  2. I know! It's so frustrating when my friends get pregnant left and right, as they have 12 opportunities every single year. It takes months and months just to get an IVF cycle set up, so I do feel that I'm always waiting for something. And now, we wait some more, and then we REALLY wait during the dreaded 2WW. Scary... but exciting.

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