CD 11 of Femara, Round 1

We went to Mexico, and I got my period. Oh, well. I guess Clomid wasn't the drug for me. Anyway, today is day 11 of my first Femara cycle, and I meet with Dr. F. on Friday, which is day 14. I am eagerly anticipating that meeting, and seeing (via ultrasound) if Femara is doing anything. I am also more seriously considering acupuncture, though I will wait and see if we are going to stick with Femara or move on to IVF.

Part of me is starting to have doubts lately. If it's this hard to get pregnant, is it a sign? Brian thinks I am being ridiculous, but I just keep searching for meaning in this journey. Is there a reason for what is happening to me? Was I mean to not have children? Is this some kind of blessing in disguise?

Our time in Mexico was wonderful. Just me and B, on vacation in a foreign country, visiting ruins and beaches and loving it and each other. I could get really into trips each year, or more than once a year. Then, we went to Chicago, and his niece and nephew just drove me up the wall. So much crying, whining and screaming, UGH. All of this made me further question why we are trying so hard to change our lives in this way. We have it pretty good the way it is.

But, something inside me still wants this so badly. This week, checking the fertility blogs that I follow, I see that two long-time infertiles are both pregnant. One from IVF, the other I'm not sure but I think just naturally. Wow. This gives me a ray of unexpected hope. Of course, I hope not to wait 3 years. One has been hard enough.

So, maybe Femara will be my drug, but more and more, I'm realizing that IVF is probably going to be what it takes. And that may not even work. I guess it's beyond my control, but I hope to come to peace with whatever will happen. Good night.